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A Triumph at the 18^th UAC Circuit of Ireland Retro Rally

by Tony Sheach
Car 34 Triumph TR4
22^nd October 2004

For the second time I made the journey across the water to Ireland with my Triumph TR4, BST 82 B, again for the Retro ... 8^th to the 10^th October 2004, this time with a bit more confidence, knowing what would lie on the other side and also knowing that Mark Rodbert and John Mathias with their white TR4 (618 FWT) would rendezvous with me at scrutineering on Friday morning - at least someone would know what was broken by the time I got there. This time I had also met my navigator before, the Rt Honourable Terence Bradley – a finer fellow you could not meet. We hoped that the Tractors would make another appearance and courtesy of Tom Callaghan and Frank Hussey and their TR4 they did – but more later.

This years UAC Retro (also know as the Ulster Automobile Club Circuit of Ireland Retrospective Trial) started in Lisburn, southwest of Belfast by about 10 miles, but about an hours drive from Terence’s place in Hollywood (no he’s not a rockstar – just looks like one!) and travelling down to rally HQ in Westport, County Mayo, almost as far west as you can get without hearing the mid west twang. Id been assured that it would be a scorching rally and a quick look at the maps and likely routes made it clear that if it wasn’t we were very, very, very lost. Now Terence knows the area well ... And for the first time I’ve heard the UAC were running a Roadbook. A significant improvement I think and a lot easier on the competitors without affecting the quality of the rally. Also easier not to lose anything important ...

Its always a bit of an adventure taking the car across to Ireland as no matter how well I think I prepare it, something small always breaks and something big gives me some trouble, sometimes imaginary, sometimes real, but always totally TR. This little jaunt of 1800 miles return (the event is badged as approximately 500 miles) was no different and true to form BST’s little red electric charging light started to flicker as I hauled up in the outside land at J15 on the M4, ready to squirt my way up to the M5 on the way to Holyhead. Id been through the car fairly heavily in the three or so weeks following the Targa Rusticana, having thrashed it to bits with only minor paint chips to prove Id turned up. Nothing looked bad, everything looked good ... and worked. As I came down the gearbox and up the revs the little flickering light glowed a bit more and then went out. Onwards to Holyhead at warp 7 (3000 rpm OD top). NFA required.

Coming onto the empty M5 in Gloucestershire I used my full quota of revs (read 3750 Officer!!!) up through the gearbox and landed magically in overdrive top ... and there he was in the inside lane, engine running, passenger door open, radar out the door, on and smiling at me. Deploy parachute, engage 4th gear (drop the OD), engage handbrake (errrrrr ... is there one?), engage brain ... ready for the silver-tongued tale as to why I was leaving a vapour trail up their motorway. Take the middle lane, cruise past ... stare straight ahead. NFA. ... Until I saw the Battenberg liveried (how could you miss that!) Volvo T5 pull off the hard shoulder and take to lane 3. I’d deliberately left my Snooper at home ... still a nice picture of my TR4 at full chat would be nice ... “and at no time was I exceeding ** miles per hour Officer” – as the book says ... What nice chaps, drove by me at a sedate 75 mph, both Driver and Observer look across and smile, thumbs up and off they go. Heh heh. Bigger fish to fry I suspect (BMW’s please!) I let them take up a mile and then reel them in a bit, tabbing along behind them up to Birmingham ... making good progress as they say. You cant tell me that they weren’t watching the little blue speck in their mirror ... A fair case of they knew that I knew that they knew. No pretty picture in the post yet then. Pity they don’t work in Hampshire as I could get to like them.

The M6 is just not a TR road and twice on the way I had to unpick the bonnet from a hole shortly to be taken by an Artic as I dodged my way through the traffic, clock ticking to catch the 13.45 Stena Explorer fast ferry from Holyhead. I kept looking at my (ebay bought Leonidas 8 day aircraft ... mmmmmmm) clock on the LH side of the dashboard (where your air vent is normally), not because I like it (which I do ... Watchgeek as I was called at least once that weekend) but because either it was running fast, or I was fast running out of time.

I did a Formula 1 speed pitstop at the services south of the M56, much to the amusement of the attendant, who was pleased enough to wash my windscreen and lights as I dashed into the shop to pay. Real folding this time ... Pity my employer’s petrol card won’t fund my gruntacious little TR4 and its appetite for 4 star and VSP. Nice chap ... the third of the day.

As the minutes ticked by and the little red light glowed the revs crept up and as I hit the A55 after the roadworks and tunnels that seemed to populate the road and got up to cruise I realised that 4500 revs in OD top (work it out yourselves!) had been running for some time and the only way was up. Fortunately the roads were flat, empty and it was 13.10 dead at 20 miles to go. Last boarding was at 13.15ish. The little red light was now full on ... and so was the exhaust note.

On entry to the Port of Holyhead there is a little roundabout at the end of the dual carriageway and it was here that the sweat trickled down my right arm at 13.22 as I fumbled for the indicator switch on the column, turned the wheel and pulled 2nd gear to take the entry ... Or rather should I say be taken by the entry, leaving some Colway EMJO dust for good measure. Blattttttttt to the security booth, wave to the Red Alfa of Ralf Schumacher (really!) ticket stamped 13.24 by the smiley girl with the blue International Rescue hat. “Just yourself Sir ?” No ... me and my Scottish smile ....”Proceed directly to the ramp via the man in the yellow jacket” subtext ... Stop that! The guy in the yellow jacket waves me straight across the apron and up to the boat. I romp across in first, up the ramp and the door clangs behind me. The latest ive ever been for a ferry without actually missing it!

Question is ... do I turn it off – the red light is still full on. I see Keith Jenkins and Edwyn Evans with their Saab 96 V4, Terry Pickering and Anthony Preston with their TR3 and hedge my bets that they’ll push start me if I need it. Anthony offers a set of jump leads ... the force is strong with this one. Key to off, engage first gear. Handbrake .... (errrrrr ... is there one?).

I parked on a comfy seat on the boat, Caesar Salad in hand (!) reflecting on the ‘improvements’ made to the car since the Targa in September. For starters I had not replaced the tyres as my helpful local supplier sent me 3 very nice Avon CR6 ZZ’s. Wonderful, but I have 4 wheels on and one in the boot. This is no reliant Robin, but a TR4 with on the way out set of Colway EMJO’s. On the car they remain. Secondly Id secured myself a set of shortened top front suspension wishbones in an effort to dial in some negative camber (about 3 degrees on advice from those who know) to make the car turn in on the NAVIGATOR OUT OF THE CAR GASSING TO OTHER NAVIGATORS autotests ... the biggest weakness of the TR4 on these tests in my view (apart from the requirement for no loose nuts behind the wheel) is the inability to turn in sharply and kick out the rear to get round things. This year would be different! The next biggest weakness and my third improvement was to cause a pair of rear brake actuating levers to be extended by about ¾ of an inch and the little notch that engages the leading shoe to be filled in; an effort to get at least some handbrake action on the rear wheels in order to assist their progress in a sideways direction ... as directed by said lone driver on said tests ... and elsewhere as directed for maximum effect. Truthfully the tyres were worrying me a bit then ... but “Nowhere’s far in a TR” as we all know. Id also retracked the front wheels ‘by eye’ in order to compensate for the negative camber ... more later, but this came back to bite me. New unbreakable mudflaps too ... a vain attempt to cut down the clouds of crud that seem to accompany the TR4 as I push it on if its slushy.

In Dublin I studiously ignored the route that Terence had given me (despite the map on my knee) and in addition the signs for the new motorway that skirts the outer edges ... and fought my way through the evening traffic, running temperature, red lights (on dashboard ....!) and generally responding to comments in the window like “how aulds yer Ker ?” Great City but a trial in itself to cross. More red light and stops necessary at Drogheda to take on fuel and fair things and latterly Hillsborough south of Belfast to finally deal with the red light as darkness fell and I knew id be on the battery for another hour. Why do it in daylight when you have to grope around in the engine bay by torchlight anyway?

Arrived a Terence’s place (albeit late) to the usual fine welcome and the boot of the TR4 relieved its contents all over his garage floor ... more room for the matching luggage set I hear you say! ... but no ... only the promised wiper motor and assorted bits to assist with the construction of another fine TR4 rally car, still on trestles in the middle where I had left it in March, having trucked it over from the mainland and helped to ‘modify’ the body to suit his rollcage. To be fair the rolling chassis is nearly built and the garage is populated with engines, gearboxes, axles and loads of bits. There is no excuse now matey .... you’re driving next year! And I know where you can get buckets of powder puff blue paint cheap.

Scrutineering for this years event was at the Lagan Valley LeisurePlex in Lisburn, with a handy sized car park for parking and fiddling, a good café for sausage beans and chips and room for a few autotests to get you going. Arrived 10.30 for documents and car inspection – having permanently fixed the alternator connections the night before at Terence’s place in between glasses of red wine and TR ramblings. On cue the brake lights gave up, just as I met Tom Callaghan in the car park with his maroon TR4 (with Hydraulic Handbrake – now there’s a fine but HRCR illegal idea!). I’ve had this before and it’s a drain the brakes job if the switch is knackered – I had no Castrol SRF on board (another must carry for next time out). Bleeding the brakes was therefore not an option. Prayed for a duff LUCAS part or connector as I always carry these.

There’s no fooling the UAC Scrutineer, the very pleasant and knowledgeable Michael Kernahan, so more hands in the hot engine bay down to the switch, surgery by waggling and persuading of clips, wires and stuff and chanting of the essential maintenance mantra – “work you B******* ... please”; again the usual response from BST82B and all the lights come up, just in time for Michael to give us both the once over. A critical eye from a straight guy ... but we’re through and its welcome back to the Retro! Prepare for launch.

John and Mark, Terence and I teamed up with Tom and his navigator Frank Hussey to enter the TR Register TRiffic TRactors for this foreign jaunt in the hope that if we honour lay nowhere else (as would surely be the case) it would lie in the Team Prize – sound familiar? I remember reading somewhere by Graham Robson that the old works team with the VC cars had a similar thing, “one old lag, one overseas driver, and one s**t or bust merchant” – I thought that I qualified for all of these ... and their cars were powder blue too. I’m sure that’s where any similarity ceased.

To be continued ...

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