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A Triumph at the 18^th UAC Circuit of Ireland Retro Rally

by Tony Sheach
Car 34 Triumph TR4
22^nd October 2004

Day 2 on the Retro started early with some servicing of BST82B. Opted not to fiddle with the tyres, preserving my spare and the rears for Day 3. What became clear was that I didn’t retrack the front wheels enough during my post Targa rebuild to compensate for the negative camber and this had induced some hefty tyre wear. Be warned .... made the tests a bit more fun though. Bit more circumspect today, but nil desperandum. We started at 09.30, due out at 10.04 from TC4 OUT to Test 5 at Portwest, a complicated test that I did well on (chuffed with that I tell you!) Onto event time from TC5 for 2 miles (!) and then on to Test 6 at Mullaranny, Tests 7 and 8 at Keem - what fun! And Test 9 at Lough Accorymore. It was on the transit leg between these tests that the rapid Paul McCulla, this time in a red TVR 3000 M apparently passed an off duty Garda Officer at speed on the way to Achill Island, upsetting him considerably. These three tests were just a hoot, amid spectacular scenery where else are you going to get autotests on the side of a mountain overlooking the North Atlantic. Alpine tests ... maybe they will be marginally more fun. Paul did well, quite carefree at that time ...

When the Gard found us all drinking coffee at an unofficial halt he stopped the car and sought the man with the devilish red car, spoke softly to him and after a while drove off. Apparently he wasn’t happy and would be watching us ... with his friends who’d responded to his call for reinforcements. The Sheriff’s Office in the next town was far away. I think that we were all very well behaved and took his warning in the spirit intended – no shame in being reminded that our events take place on public roads and a modicum of respect is required. No shame on Paul either for being the one that got spotted first. I thought of my little radar friend again, sitting on the dash of my Saab 95 Aero – bugger. Steady as she goes I was reminded by my spiritual advisor to the left. A quick glance at the front tyres and the message landed again.

TC 6 ran us into Regularity 4 which was short and tight, with awkward speed changes just on the tricky bits of the navigation. Incredibly Terence got this a little wrong, probably because he had asked me to look for the left turn and we ended up missing it and being late at the PC. Lovely drive though and the Marshall (who turned out to be the event organiser Peter Allen ! Ooops !) did comment that he heard us coming (only just under the 98dBA noise limit at 3750 revs), particularly when the sump guard got used hard after a bit of a yomp – which shouldn’t have been any more than a squeak of the springs if we’d been running on time. Well worth the money that thing. Thank you TR Enterprises.

Lunch at the Achill Island Hotel after a morning of tests – excellent start and no fails ... But one Max as I wrong slotted a gate in the test at Mullaranny – just a brain fade moment, resulting from a badly hashed up handbrake turn but cost me my mental prize for the weekend. Furious no, narked yes as I really didn’t want to do that!

Test 10 was at Mullaranny and another thrash round the yard of the big shed building, quire tight and I had time to watch a few of the maestro’s (not the BL ones) dance round the test. Fantastic stuff - this time I cleared it but again had to reverse where others had handbraked round. Bit annoying ... Particularly as I also heard the gearbox mount snap loose (after 1000 miles) and the clattering of the prop on the exhaust / chassis that I heard when taking right hand turns last year returned. There is a source of poor parts out there ... ask me in person if you want to know who! Pathetic really ... and they make you pay for this rubbish! It’s a disgrace ...

Into TC 7 just north of Newport and the start of Regularity 5, 37.8 miles of you don’t get lost with 165 minutes to complete. Cleaned this due to a top performance by Terence, spotting all the tricky navigation set out by the organiser Terry Harryman. I had to tear past Ronnie Kerr in his Cortina at one point – the last of a few ‘passes’ so thanks to all for moving over. I’m sure I didn’t buy half the drinks I should have done that night. We rolled into Test 11 at Portwest for a backwards rerun of the earlier driving test, which I cleaned, albeit a bit slowly (again). Onto TC 8 at the Hotel Westport, others seen cleaning cars at the Fuel stop. BST82B now dirtiest car in the event, but with 80 litres on board for Day 3’s fun and frolics. Tyres need changing.

A quick glance at the results board showed Terry Pickering and Anthony Preston in the TR3 running first in the Event after Day 2, closely followed by Eamon and Paul in the Mini Cooper S (apparently only finished the week before!). The three TR4’s lie down in the 20’s with Mark and John, Tom and Frank and Terence and I close but in that order. Only 200 seconds lost on Saturday (Day 2). Our Friday was very costly, but we are still smiling and buying each other drinks. Party night in Westport and I ended up in a pub full of women trying to talk (!!) to an American guy called Michael Flatley who’s big in Riverdance. My American accent is about as good as Sean Connery’s ... but it was a Schsplendid evening Pusshy.

Day 3 started early with my planned tyre change (at last) and some application of water, oil and silver tank tape to restore BST to concours winning condition. Off from the Hotel at 09.45, with BST being on the ramp at 10.19, to be trundled up to Test 12 at a factory called Allergan (familiar ??) 5 minutes later. Test 13 round the corner in their carpark! tricky and a hoot. Cleaned both of the tests with reasonable times and also watched Terry on the TR3 do similar but quicker – excellent. Bad news was that Keith in the Saab clonked a kerb and broke a brake disc. We stopped to help but he and Edwyn had it in hand and assured me they’d be on the road to TC 9 shortly – they were. Not that I had any Saab Brake discs on me at the time and apparently they only need one anyway. Terry drops a line fault – 5 secs to Eamonn in the Mini – gap tightens from 12 to 7 secs for the lead.

Another 3 driving tests (14, 15 and 16) firstly at Ballinrobe Water Towers, with a big tree to avoid – I nearly cooked this one; out of the gate round the tree on full power, loose so rear slides; tarmac so it grips (warp factor 9 Mr Sulu), hands everywhere, foot out, loose again, avoid the tree, into gate, reverse out, blat to handbrake right, blat to ... ..ooh says the crowd, reverse back amid much in cabin discussion with my Halda to enter gate forwards, reverse out, blat to gate, reverse out, bllaaaaaaaatt to finish. Where else would the crowd shout the route instructions to you when you louse it up !! Great. Terence shakes his head and smiles ... I hear the “brain of a hen” thing again ... but he didn’t actually say it this time. How well he knows me.

Onto Tests 15 and 16 at McHales and more fun but taking it gently to preserve the car as the engine mounts have also clearly snapped (more poop repro parts) and then its onto TC 10 for the start of Regularity 7 north of Balinrobe, finishing back in Westport for Test 17 round the back of the Hotel. We cleaned this one just about, with only minor aborations. Less than 100 points dropped on Day 3 and even those were just two slight issues with zeroing the trip meter when we shouldn’t have. Must try harder. This was just a symptom of both of us only having done 2 rallies in a year.

Test 17, the final frontier, round the back of the Hotel where only that morning Id been swapping tyres round and dropping oil all over their car park. This is always a great test as a huge amount of people gather to watch the proceedings, particularly when the quick guys come through. This was a good one; off the line turn and tight left through a slalom at speed (avoiding the crowds standing on the verges), out to next gate – in forwards, out of gate in reverse and into adjacent gate backwards, out of gate across tarmac apron into gate, reverse out round tight right, slalom in reverse, into gate in reverse, out forwards into gate, out of gate in reverse (throw nose if you’re an autotest god) and blat into finish – see I do remember – even 3 weeks later! A few noises from the gearbox on the last reverse and quick change to second (she wont take to first quickly) ... and I know that I’ve got a problem.

The three TR4’s cleaned the last test and Terry honked his way through in the TR3 – I talked to him before he went in and I think he knew that they had the event in their grasp if he pulled a good test. Eamonn and Paul not far behind ... so you’d think he’d take it easy! Not so. A clean quick test, a touch slower than the Mini, but Anthony’s navigation had been faultless all day and level crossing delays permitting its was in the bag for the men in the green TR3. Well if I cant win it I rather someone else in a TR did!

Then the UAC organised a crowd pleasing shoot out between the 10 top testers – i.e. most of the Mini’s , Midgets and Escorts plus Terry’s TR3 – more spectacle. Top 3, Eamonn Byrne and Mini Cooper S, Terry Pickering and Triumph TR3, Ronnie Griffin and Escort RS2000 MK1, plus a guest appearance by Noel Cochrane and MG Midget! Excellent ... you wonder how the Hotel staff got any dinners cooked that night. Other guest looked on in amazement as the car park got chewed to bits. I was handed a drink. Schsplendid Pusshy ... I may be wet but I like my Martini dry.

I trundled BST82B back to the car park, definitely the dirtiest car on the event by now. My sole shot at a prize I ventured with Potzy, who’s brakes Terence had help fix the night before (I just supervised and imparted my exhaustive knowledge of Girling brakes ...). I nosed her into the last parking space in the clean car park amid the shiny Mercs and Beemers, ready to reverse. Nothing but a whizzing noise. Broken reverse gear selector – maybe. Knackered gearbox .... please no. A bit of a kafuffle until dinner time, change of oil and its clear, no reverse gear but it might get me home. Terence rings Harold and gets a truck ready to piggyback me to Dublin the next day. But ... nowhere’s far in a TR.

Party night again in Westport and this is you really learn who the people are who put the effort into this great event and who the stars are that win the goblets and goodies, presented to a commentary by Peter Allen, backed by a suspiciously clean and shiny TR3 and a sparkling Mini Cooper – in the restaurant. Style. Dadly no gongs for the boys in blue or the TRactors but that wasn’t really what we turned up for ... well in our dreams maybe. How late can a party go on?

Monday and I trundled off down the N5 to Dublin, gingerly at first knowing that Terry’s TR3 would be sweeping along behind me to get the same ferry. Keith and Edwyn had left very early with the 3 braked Saab, plodding it along to avoid unnecessary trouble hoping for the same homeward trip as me. Did the Motorway thing this time at Dublin and as I cruised on at 3000 rumblutions I reflected on what a good weekend it had been.

50 cars this year on the entry list, down from 70 or so as I recall from my last adventure and better in many ways for it, although I detected a more open entry list than last year which surely means that the numbers will grow as the event becomes know for the stormer that it is. A smashing road book, tireless work from the organising crew and some sensible decisions (it seems) from the Clerk of the Course when faced with some real decisions to make on delays to competitors cars by the only train of the weekend. Maybe time for an experts class to give the real campaigners, particularly the autotest specialists and the top flight navigators that ensure they have a shot at the top spot, some thing higher to shoot for and the novices that will make the event grow something with reach. Whatever ... ill be back.

And I made it home ... so its true. Nowhere’s far in a TR. Lightning stuff.

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